Pride whispers that you can figure it all out alone. Meanwhile, your potential remains trapped in a cycle of trial and error that someone else has already navigated. Every giant in faith had a mentor—Moses had Jethro, Timothy had Paul, and Jesus discipled the twelve. Who's pouring into you? And if the answer is "no one," ask yourself: Is your independence really a strength, or is it just stubborn isolation?
The Comfortable Lie of Self-Sufficiency
We've romanticised the self-made success story to the point of delusion. The entrepreneur who built an empire from nothing. The leader who rose through sheer grit and determination. The believer who figured out faith through personal Bible study alone.
These narratives sell because they flatter our ego. They suggest we don't need anyone—that dependence is weakness and asking for help is an admission of failure.
But here's the truth nobody wants to hear: Every person you admire stood on someone else's shoulders. Moses didn't just wake up ready to lead Israel out of Egypt. His father-in-law Jethro had to pull him aside and say, "What you're doing is not good. You and these people will wear yourselves out" (Exodus 18:17-18). Moses was exhausted, ineffective, and too close to his own situation to see it.
Sound familiar?
The real question isn't whether you need guidance; it's whether you're willing to accept it. It's whether your pride will let you admit it before you burn out, make avoidable mistakes, or waste years wandering in circles.
Why Smart People Make Dumb Decisions About Mentorship
You know mentorship matters. You've probably even told someone else they need it. So why don't you have a mentor?
Let's dismantle the real reasons—not the excuses you give others, but the fears you don't say out loud:
"I don't want to be a burden." Translation: I'd rather struggle in silence than risk someone saying no. However, consider this: experienced people usually become successful because someone invested in them. Many are looking for opportunities to pay it forward. Your request isn't an imposition; it's an invitation for them to multiply their legacy.
"I need to prove myself first." This is backwards thinking. Proverbs 19:20 says, "Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise." Notice it doesn't say, "Become wise first, then seek counsel." You don't wait until you're an expert to get help becoming one.
"I can't find the 'right' person." You're holding out for some mythical figure who has it all figured out, is conveniently available, and will pursue you. Meanwhile, there are people three steps ahead of you who could save you years of pain, but they're not famous enough or polished enough for your criteria.
The mentor you need isn't perfect. They're just further along the path you're trying to walk.
The Hidden Mentors You're Already Ignoring
Here's where it gets uncomfortable: You probably already have access to mentorship and don't recognise it.
That person at church who's been married thirty years while you're struggling in year three? Mentor.
The colleague who consistently navigates office politics with grace while you're constantly frustrated? Mentor.
The small group leader who seems to have an uncanny ability to apply Scripture to real life, while your devotional time feels dry? Mentor.
We've created this fantasy that mentorship looks like a formal relationship with scheduled coffee meetings and leather-bound journals. Sometimes it does. But often, mentorship is simply having the humility to say, "I notice you handle this well. Could you help me understand how?"
Paul told the Corinthians, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). He didn't set up an intensive twelve-week mentorship program. He lived transparently and invited people to observe and learn from him.
Who's living in a way you want to emulate? Have you asked them anything, or are you waiting for them to intuit that you need help magically?
The Compound Interest of Guided Growth
Every year you spend learning through trial and error is a year you could have accelerated through wisdom borrowed from someone else's experience.
Consider the financial implications: If you invest $10,000 at 7% interest, in ten years, you'll have approximately $19,672. Not bad. But if you start with guidance from someone who helps you achieve 10% returns instead, you'll have $25,937—that 3% difference—that slight advantage from better knowledge—compounds into thousands of dollars.
The same principle applies to your spiritual growth, career, relationships, and leadership.
When Timothy connected with Paul, he didn't just get Bible knowledge he could have learned on his own eventually. He got pattern recognition. He knew how to navigate false teachers, handle church conflict, and lead with both boldness and gentleness. Paul's letters to Timothy are essentially a masterclass in "here's what I learned the hard way so you don't have to."
Without mentorship, you're not just learning slowly; you're also missing out on valuable insights. You're repeating mistakes that have already been made and solved. You're reinventing wheels. You're paying the full tuition for lessons someone else could teach you at a discount.
How much is your time worth? How much is your potential worth? What would it be worth to avoid just one major mistake?
How to Approach the Mentor You Need (Without Being Weird About It)
You're convinced. You need mentorship. Now what?
First, be specific about what you're asking for. "Will you mentor me?" is a vague and intimidating question. It sounds like an undefined, open-ended commitment. Instead: "I'm working on developing my leadership skills. Would you be willing to meet once a month for six months to help me think through some specific situations I'm facing?"
See the difference? You've defined the scope, the time commitment, and the value you're seeking. You've made it easy to say yes.
Second, make it about learning, not ego-stroking. Don't approach someone saying, "I just really admire you and want to be around you." That's flattery, and it's hollow. Instead: "I've noticed how you handle conflict in meetings, and I struggle with that. Would you be willing to share what you've learned?"
You're asking them to teach, not to be worshipped. Teachers want engaged students, not fans.
Third, come prepared and follow through. If someone agrees to invest in you, honour that gift. Show up on time. Come with questions. Apply what you learn and report back. Hebrews 13:17 talks about spiritual leaders giving an account for those they shepherd—don't make mentoring you feel like a liability. Make it a joy.
Finally, remember that mentorship is not a one-size-fits-all approach. You might need different people speaking into various areas of your life. One person for spiritual formation. Another for career guidance. Another piece of marriage wisdom. Solomon had counsellors—plural (Proverbs 15:22). Stop waiting for the one perfect guru and start building a constellation of wisdom-speakers.
The Ripple Effect You're Not Considering
Here's something most people miss: The benefit of mentorship doesn't stop with you.
When Paul invested in Timothy, he wasn't just developing one leader; he was also developing a leader in the making. He was developing someone who would "teach others also" (2 Timothy 2:2). It's a multiplication strategy. Timothy would pour into faithful people, who would in turn pour into others, creating an exponential impact.
Your refusal to seek mentorship isn't just limiting you; it's also limiting others. It's limiting to influence everyone you could if you were growing faster and wiser.
Could you build that business more effectively? It could employ people and support families. Could you lead that ministry with greater wisdom? It could reach souls. Could you strengthen that marriage? It could model covenant love to your children and grandchildren.
Your stubborn independence has cascading consequences you'll never see because you're too isolated to become who you could be.
Conversely, your willingness to be mentored has ripple effects that extend far beyond your visible horizon. You become a better parent, leader, spouse, friend, and disciple—not someday when you "figure it all out," but progressively, as you're sharpened by those ahead of you.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17). But only if you're willing to get close enough to the blade.
Your Move
So here we are, back where we started: Who's pouring into you?
If you're still saying "no one," then you have a decision to make. You can keep telling yourself you'll figure it out, that you're fine, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness. You can keep paying the full price for lessons that have already been learned.
Or you can do something uncomfortable this week.
You can send that text. Schedule that coffee. Ask that question. Admit you don't have it all together and that you're tired of pretending you do.
Moses was willing to listen to Jethro, and it transformed how he led an entire nation. Timothy was willing to be discipled by Paul, and his legacy echoes through churches two thousand years later. The twelve disciples were willing to follow Jesus, and they turned the world upside down.
What could your life look like if you stopped mistaking isolation for strength?
The mentor you need might already be in your life, waiting for you to humble yourself enough to ask. Or they might be one conversation away, ready to invest in someone who's finally ready to receive.
Pride whispers that you can figure it all out alone.
Wisdom knows better.
Who will you reach out to this week?